Approved
16 September, 2022 @ 2:44pm
by Jan Viljoen
(version: 13)
The Dark Side of Self-actualization
Difficulty
Very Hard
When we need, want and/or wish to change1) something in our life - which we all
doplugin-autotooltip__small plugin-autotooltip_bigSome individuals just more often than others! - and we find that the time we have to spend on and the effort that we put into our
change attemptplugin-autotooltip__small plugin-autotooltip_bigI.e. to deliberately develop, evolve or grow from where we currently are, to where we would like to be in future.
are pretty frustrating, quite difficult and find that the result or outcome of our efforts are largely disappointing, it is quite
likelyplugin-autotooltip__small plugin-autotooltip_bigI.e. something that occurs more often than not.
that we were lured into and mainly functions in the shady realm of the dark side of self-actualization.
This transpires because of a deep-seated and fundamentalplugin-autotooltip__small plugin-autotooltip_bigFundamental Principles
...~ Mark Victor Hansen.
responsibility DO SOMETHING obstaclesADKAR-change modelgrowingevolvingperson
fill empty mindsalchemizeby focussingcontextualunderstanding
Remember that patience is a virtuebelief that there is something wrong with us and we are, therefore, obliged to either repair or fix it. Often we ain't consciously aware of such a belief, but it is there, and it affects us in everything that we do and attempts to do. It is a painful belief2). Fortunately though, this is a false belief, and unless we know3) that it is a false belief, we will remain in the dark of who we truly are and oblivious of what is possible in our lives.
When we believe that there is something wrong with us, we have an overpowering
impulseplugin-autotooltip__small plugin-autotooltip_bigAn impulse which - incidentally - is also enthusiastically encouraged and promoted by society.
and uncontrollable inclination to either fix or repair the problem in a futile effort to prove to ourselves - as well as to other other people - that we really are OK, worthy and that we have what it takes to be successful in life. Unless we become aware of and choose to change this false belief, any attempt to bring about change in our life's - regardless of what we are currently doing - will only leave a bitter taste. We, therefore, have to realize, understand and belief that no fix is necessary… because, we are NOT BROKEN, we are whole and…
The egg is not less whole than the chick, which - in turn - isn't less whole that the chicken, they merely are in differentcycles or stages of development and growth. Thus, we ain't
less wholeplugin-autotooltip__small plugin-autotooltip_bigI.e. being broken and requiring repair or fixing.
when we feel unfulfilled, frustrated or less content in certain areas of our lives, we merely are at a point in our lives that either compel, call or appeal to us for greater self-fulfilment. We are whole, worthy and of course, we have what it takes. We have what it takes to learn, grow and develop on a…
physical,
mental and
spiritual level.
This is how we were created, it is our authentic beingness, it is in our DNA. We might be…
different
unique and
uncommon in many different ways…
BUT WHAT WE ARE NOT…is broken! Different… unique… uncommon… for sure, but definitely NOT broken!
When we unconditionally cling to the
false beliefplugin-autotooltip__small plugin-autotooltip_bigThere is something wrong with us, that we are broken and in need of repair and/or should be fixed.
, any self-empowerment initiative - launching from this belief - will inevitably and subtly force us to entered the dark side of self-actualization. Within this realm of self-actualization, we are unbalanced and all kinds and various combinations of psyche barriers, life traps and self-actualizing derailers will manifest, flourish and have free rain to
warpplugin-autotooltip__small plugin-autotooltip_bigThe so-called Murphy's Law, which states... 'if something can go wrong, it will and usually at the worst time'. The identity of “Murphy" is unknown, but the saying was first used during the 1940s and may have originated with members of the armed forces in World War II.
our lives.
We think, assume and believe that the answers and solutions, to all the problems that we currently experience, lie outside of ourselves. This view of life and the foundation of our current GPSplugin-autotooltip__small plugin-autotooltip_bigG • P • S
A much diluted and illustrative representation of the actual Human System of Life.
In general terms the abbreviation stands for the Global Positioning Satellite system that we use to “pin point” our geographical position on this planet of ours. However, melancholycountless forceshappiness compels us to abandon and avoid or even despise our…
Instead, we go outside ourselves, for solutions and place all our trust and faith in the advice of others, especially specialists and professionals. We categorically accept and abide by
common knowledgeplugin-autotooltip__small plugin-autotooltip_bigCollective acceptable ideas, views, opinions, recipes and formulas.
, rather than our uncommon inner wisdom. We disregard our…
heartplugin-autotooltip__small plugin-autotooltip_bigThe seat of our emotions, feelings and compassion towards others.,
As a matter of fact, we fully surrender and give our power away to others and/or things around us. We eagerly take the necessary, needed and required steps for self-development and -growth, but we feel hollow inside, unfulfilled, empty, devoid of purpose and meaning. Because we have abandon our true selves, we aren't fully alive4), things become hard, is difficult and - generally - it doesn't work particularity well for us. We effectively disempower ourselves when we choose to follow someone else's or a predefined path in life and not our own. This disempowerment is a sure sign that we have entered into and are stuck in the dark side of self-actualization.
Another important - self-actualization dark side tell sign - is the absence or lack of self-fulfillment5). Any development and growth initiative, that no longer is directed by who and what we truly are and based on a belief that we are broken, becomes fixated and focused on the needed or required “FIX”… the endpoint, the goal the pre-defined norm, the prescribed expectation. We eagerly strive towards reaching that endpoint because then we will experience - or so we falsely conclude - satisfaction and fulfilment, depriving ourselves of experiencing the satisfaction in the here and now. And because of the false conclusion, we tend to compare, judge and criticize ourselves every step of the way - often unfavourably I might add - in terms of the end goal that we haven't reached yet.
When we deeply and unconditionally believe that - inherently - there is something wrong with us, we will continue to create the experiences that will re-enforce what we belief. It is depleting, diminishing, place us on a path of derailment & stagnation and a self-fulfilling life path of development & growth, merely becomes an
Utopianplugin-autotooltip__small plugin-autotooltip_bigModelled on or aiming for a state in which everything is perfect and idealistic.
'wishful-thinking' and 'out-of-reach' illusion.
But there is another way.
Remaining stuck on the dark side of self-actualization - as things normally develop - is a matter of personal choice and cannot be blamed on any events, circumstances, other people and/or situations. External influences can promote, facilitate, complicate or cloud self-actualization, but cannot block it. The only real block is our belief in and our willingness to strive for the best that we can be.
KEEP IN MIND: The self-actualization path that each of us follow in life, is totally unique and completely different from one another.
This doesn't mean that we cannot learn from other people… of course we can… especially those that have already succeeded where we would like to succeed. We thrive when we connect and can share knowledge, experiences and wisdom. But there is one crucial difference between…
learning from and
surrendering our power to another person's formula for success.
The first source from a balanced sense of self-worth, and the second originate from a sense of lack and a subtle “not-being-good-enough” conviction. We disempower ourselves when we judge, perceive and regard ourselves as lacking and this self-created enslaving mindset is serving others much better than it serves us.
Therefore, rather than asking yourself 'What do I need to fix?' …pause & reflect… and ask yourself…
What do I need/want to create?
What do I need/want to experience?
How do I need/want to grow?
When we are growth, instead of goal oriented, we do experience happinessplugin-autotooltip__small plugin-autotooltip_bigHappiness Can Be Learned
A new study coordinated by the University of Trento shows the beneficial effects of an intensive program on .
The results showed that several psychological well-being measures gradually increased within participants from the beginning to the end of the course. That was especially true for life satisfaction, perceived well-being, self-awareness and and fulfilment every step of the way, because we are gradually and steadily transforming into our unique magnificence. While taking each growth step, we must be guided by our inner sense of what is right and what isn't right for us. We should listen to our inner voice, always telling us what we need …and… we must continue to listen because we have what it takes to succeed and we already are what it takes. Just keep in mind that… We cannot get a plant to grow any faster by pulling on its leaves!
What happen to the bright side when we step into the dark side of self-actualization?
We trigger the overpowering Dark Side Traits that tend to take over and overshadow the Bright Side Traits by far, because things goes out of whack and we lose our inner selffoothold in life! There are many dark side traits that either derail or preventoptimal self-actualization. These traits are very specific and unique to each individual, however, the dark side of the following attributes - to a greater or lesser extent - surfaces almost always when a person fails to self-actualize optimally, thus to create who s/he really and truly is.
A tendency to be deceitful, manipulative and possessing a cynical or negative outlook towards the intentions of others.
Being opportunistic can yield both favourable and dreadful results depending on the intention that we have when exploring,
exploitingplugin-autotooltip__small plugin-autotooltip_bigTo utilize and promote, especially for profit. For example: To exploit a business opportunity.
and make good use of possible opportunities at our disposal.
Dreadful Opportunism(Dark Side): Appalling team work, force others into unwise directions in order to obtain egotistical and narcissistic driven objectives or goals, valuing traditions only when it suits him/her and willing to expeditiously bribe or manipulate the system for his/her own self-centered benefit at the expense of others.
The opportunistic stance can be separated into three distinctive groups.
Ambitious
People belonging to this group have a strong desire for success. They want to get ahead in their personal and professional life as fast as possible and they are always on the lookout for more challenging opportunities, which will help them to achieve their personal objectives and professional goals as quickly as possible.
Bright Side(Favourable): Smart worker and almost always figure out a way to get things done. Quick learner and persistent in his/her efforts to achieve success. Consider setbacks as an opportunity to learn and grow, rather than getting disheartened by failure.
Dark Side(Dreadful): Unstable, forceful and overpowering personality. Use and misuse anyone they can, to get things done and to obtain what they want. Constantly on the lookout for something better and ready to switch or change jobs, as soon as they spot a better opportunity coming their way. Devoted and loyal, only to their own egotistical-selfplugin-autotooltip__small plugin-autotooltip_bigExclusive interest in and/or admiration of themselves, often disregard the feelings and needs of others, an inability to constructively deal with any form of criticism and an inflated sense of entitlement.. They pretend to bond with people who they think can help them achieve their goals, and burn bridges once they cross them.
Competitive
People in the competitive group have an endless urge to outperform others. They set their own higher standards depending on their peer performance criteria. Most efforts are invested in being the top performer, wherever they are and in whatever they do.
Bright Side(Favourable): A person who will meet all of his/her KPA's and KRA's and always aspire to perform his/her utmost best, regardless the given circumstances.
Dark Side(Dreadful): An over performer who will use any hook or crook or means to be and remain ahead, no matter the cost to other people. Loud, intimidating and shrewd enough to take credit for someone else’s hard work. Will purposefully demotivate and deliberately attack people personally to undermine their performances, so that they can stay ahead. They make use of any possible trick available - ethical and unethical - to outshine others, even if it means lying, cheating, harassing and/or bullying others.
Greedy
In the greedy group, people are headstrong and only involve themselves with activities that provide them with opportunities to gain MORE power and money. They are self-driven and have an ulterior motive behind any activity and/or interaction that they participate in. They are extremely demanding and don't accept no for an answer.
Bright Side(Favourable): Strive to succeed and is willing, able and ready to try any method to obtain higher profits or a bigger market share. Creative and good with salvaging and manoeuvring themselves out of corners and tight spots, by working strategically and hard.
Dark Side(Dreadful): Acknowledge only monetary and financial returns, and - without a second thought - will get rid of anyone who is not meeting the earning capacity as determined and laid down. In a leadership position s/he will create and establish a structureplugin-autotooltip__small plugin-autotooltip_bigE.g. a business, company, organization, venture, ...etc. that yield enormous financial gains, but which is characterized by a hostile and toxic work environment and hence, not able to sustain such performance levels in the long term. People with this inclination are always on the lookout for an easy, quick and cheap fix, as they want to obtain fast results and huge gains with the minimum effort and costs possible.
Possess an inflated and bloated sense of the self, accompanied by a fragile self-esteem and low self-worth
Self-obsession is a trait that exemplifies self-love to such an extreme, that a person is predominantly driven by his/her own needs, wants, interests, motivations and The Dark Side of Self-actualization… conditions that make a person highly sensitive and vulnerable to any form or kind of criticism.
Favourable Self-obsession(Bright Side): Independent, perfectionist, self-driven and self-reliant.
Dreadful Self-obsession(Dark Side): Terribly Proud, inflexible, rigid, over-sensitive to criticism, become antagonistic and hostile when confronted with any kindplugin-autotooltip__small plugin-autotooltip_bigPerceived criticism can be either verbal (words) and/or non-verbal (actions). of criticism and love to boast about their own greatness and impressive achievements.
Self–obsession has three variants.
Conceited
People who are conceited hold a very high opinion of themselves. They expect great things from themselves, as well as from the people around them.
Bright Side(Favourable): Perfection in his/her own work and actions taken. Diligently deliver quality work and set new standards for what is done and always try to implement best practices.
Dark Side(Dreadful): Will not accept criticism or feedback for what they have done. Stubborn, self-absorbed and will not mould themselves to accommodate the needs and requirements of others. Will go to the extreme - when anyone criticizes and/or advises them - to persuade or convince that person that s/he is wrong and, what is either suggested or done by them, is the only credible way of doing or approaching things.
Attention-Seeker
Attention-seekers are always participating and conducting activities through which they can catch and keep the attention of others.
Bright Side(Favourable): Present the things and what they are doing to others in such a manner and interesting fashion, that it arouse curiosity and grab the attention of people.
Dark Side(Dreadful): Create all kinds of disruption in various ways, so that they could be and remain the centre of attraction. Not open to the opinions and views of others regarding their actions, all actions and/or activities are final and not subjected to any discussions and/or alterations at all.
Dramatizer
People with this trait mainly indulge in overthinking and love connecting the dots between different incidents, events or collected facts. Frequently - to emphasize the seriousness of the situation - there is a tendency to dramatize their interpretation and/or point of view.
Bright Side(Favourable): Capable of thinking ahead, have a long term vision and are proactive.
Dark Side(Dreadful): Motivated by and consistently need lots of appreciation and recognition for the insights they show. When they do not receive it, things get dramatized to such an extent that it borders on throwing a tantrum. Their opinions, views and perspectives are based on the dramatic and characterized by leaps in logic and assumptions which seldom correspond to the facts and reality.
An inability, willingness and/or reluctance to grasp the pain, suffering, views, opinions and perspectives of other people.
Sensitivity is how individuals are affected by their surrounding environments, as well as how much empathy and compassion the individual has for others or is capable of showing.
Favourable Insensitivity(Bright Side): Resilient, confident, capable and good at dealing with difficult, tense and/or strained situations. Not easily involved in a conflict situation in which he/she isn't a part of.
Dreadful Insensitivity(Dark Side): Inability to connect, understand and - most of the time - either ignore or disregard the emotions, feelings, needs and wants of other people. Hurting others is merely seen as collateral damage, to get things correctly and properly done.
There are three distinct groups of insensitive people.
Logical
Logical persons are not impacted by their surroundings in such a way that it will impede their judgement or tasks at hand. They take a neutral view of things and weigh the pros and cons of every situation, before letting their opinion or view be known, making a choice or taking a decision.
Bright Side(Favourable): Excellent decision-makers who are capable of dealing with tasks, activities and situations that are sensitive in nature. They do not let their feelings cloud their judgements and/or get in the way of execution to do what is right, even when it goes against popular opinion.
Dark Side(Dreadful): They are orthodox and do not accept - nor tolerate - any opinion or suggestion that goes against their own beliefs and opinions. They have a fixed frame of mind and a thorough process of doing things, which they will not change or adapt under any circumstance.
Inconsiderate
Inconsiderate people are oblivious to the needs and feelings of others. They exclusively focus on their tasks, irrespective of how they might impact other people.
Bright Side(Favourable): Good at following rules, without asking any uncomfortable or too many questions. Unaffected by gossip or criticism and does not get hurt easily by the words and actions of others.
Dark Side(Dreadful): Unlikely to harmoniously fit into any kind of team or to cooperate well with others, as they can and will not accommodate - even blatantly ignore - the views, opinions, perspectives or needs of others.
Callous
Callousplugin-autotooltip__small plugin-autotooltip_bigI.e. apathetic, careless, cold-blooded, heartless, indifferent, insensitive, uncaring, unsympathetic and hardened.
people are - to a large extent - indifferent to anything happening around them. They do not get offended or affected at all by any comments, judgments or criticisms.
Bright Side(Favourable): Excellent at dealing with difficult and turbulent situations without getting involved and argumentative.
Dark Side(Dreadful): Amused by the misery experienced by others and do not make the slightest effort to either resolve conflict, address confusion or clarify misunderstandings. Will - at times - even contribute to the existing disarray, just for the hell of it or when it can benefit their cause.
Tendency to become emotional and angry at the slightest provocation.
Temperamental people are quite sensitive to their surroundings and are badly affected by the opinions of others and the environment that they are in. Once provoked, they normally engage in anger-related emotions pervasively and persistently.
Favourable Temperamental(Bright Side): Considerate of and accommodating of the emotions, feelings and needs of other people.
Dreadful Temperamental(Dark Side): Mood swings, erratic emotions, easily provoked, hurt, crushed by criticism and often get into fights and severe arguments with their critics. Even a difference of opinion is regarded as criticism and a personal attack.
The three variants of temperamental people.
Assertive
Assertive people are thoughtful and discreet individuals, who put their opinions and views across in a reasonable manner. They believe in letting their thoughts be known to others and accepting the views or opinions of others without getting offensive, aggressiveplugin-autotooltip__small plugin-autotooltip_bigAggressive Behaviour
We feel angry toward others for blocking our goals and often try to do them in rather than to get what we desire. We strongly believe that they should not, must not thwart us. We are emotionally honest, but act in an 'all-for-me or emotional about it.
Bright Side(Favourable): Outstanding mediators and superb at conflict management, as their judgements, opinions or views are logical and not clouded by personal feelings.
Dark Side(Dreadful): Prone to be dictating, prescriptive and dominating, especially when their advice, orders and/or instructions are not followed to a Tplugin-autotooltip__small plugin-autotooltip_bigSomething or someone has everything accounted for, down to the smallest detail..
Volatile
Volatile people are generally open to the ideas, opinions and points of view of others. They are flexible in their thoughts, and tend to change their minds quite often, strongly influenced by the interpretations or perspectives of other people and what is taking place around them.
Bright Side(Favourable): Open-minded, charming team member or player and - generally - cooperate well with others to accomplish a mutually beneficial objective or goal.
Dark Side(Dreadful): Indecisive, hesitant and wishy-washy, and their choices and judgments are easily molded by people, events, circumstances and situations around them. Their decisions cannot be trusted as rational and they are not dependable to follow through with any task without the proper supervision and guidance.
Violent
People belonging to the violent group, wear their emotions on their sleeves and are profoundly influenced by their surroundings. Their behaviour is primarily controlled by the actions of others.
Bright Side(Favourable): Quite sensitive towards others and can easily detect the prevailing climate, mood or vibe of any situation.
Dark Side(Dreadful): Extremely easy to provoke into an emotional state, which then determine all further choices, decisions and actions, which often happens without any sound reason and/or valid cause.
Acting on a whim, displaying behavior characterized by little or no forethought, reflection or consideration of the consequences.
Impulsiveness indicates impatience. It urges one to act without worrying about possible consequences, as long as the outcome of action - in the here and now - meets expectations.
Favourable Impulsiveness(Bright Side): Quick decision making and taking action, without spending unnecessary time contemplating it.
Dreadful Impulsiveness(Dark Side): Rash decision making, resulting in eccentric and free-spirited or don't care actions.
Impulsiveness has three distinctive variants.
Spontaneous
Spontaneous people are quick to arrive at conclusions and take on new tasks and venture into unmapped territories.
Bright Side(Favourable): Fast learners and good at mastering new tasks, creative and quick thinkers.
Dark Side(Dreadful): Do not think through decisions, disregard consequences and judge others way too soon. Stereotyping, tagging people and creating perceptions, without sufficient facts and knowledge - nor understanding - about a person, situation, event or circumstances.
Careless
Careless persons are easy-going and free-spirited that do not particularly care how people are or what things should be like. They are uninhibited and not bothered by either success or failure.
Bright Side(Favourable): Comfortable to work alongside them and enjoyable to interact with, non-demanding and accept the circumstances for what it is.
Dark Side(Dreadful): Their lax attitude makes them unreliable, cannot be counted on to deliver on time and cannot be trusted to follow instructions and rules stringently.
Rash
Rash persons are crude and not concerned with standards, quality, regulations and rules. They handle situations as they come, without considering too many aspects.
Bright Side(Favourable): Very easy to get along with and not prescriptive, controlling or demanding.
Dark Side(Dreadful): Neither capable of taking wise or calculated decisions, nor able or willing to support their decisions and actions taken. Quick to play the blaming game, when things take a turn for the worst.
The inclination to participate in activities filled with experiences and unusual sensations, often perceived as risky, but can be quite rewarding.
Thrill-seeking is an attribute that delves into the risk-taking capability of a person. It indicates how comfortable a person is when dealing with new or groundbreaking methods.
Favourable Thrill-seeking(Bright Side): Open to new ideas, broad minded, adventurous, out-of-the-box thinker and get involved rather than to stand back waiting for others to set the tone.
Dreadful Thrill-seeking(Dark Side): Uncalculated risk-taker. Jumping from one venture to another, not too involved with anyone, in particular, trying out many different possibilities and don't excel in any of them.
The three distinctive variants of thrill-seeking.
Excitable
People with this trait seek new and exciting ways of doing things and are always on the lookout for and ready to try experimental or unproven methods.
Bright Side(Favourable): Good at inventing or discovering new methods, techniques and ways of doing things. Not passive at all. Always ready to experiment with and try a fresh perspective or approach when dealing with tasks.
Dark Side(Dreadful): Are bored with, ignore and disregard routine work and will not stick with mechanical or administrative roles, especially when it do not provide them the avenue or opportunity to try new things.
Adventurous
Adventurous people look forward to tasks that allow them to find their way after venturing into a new assignment or task. They thrive and prefer unpredictable situations or circumstances.
Bright Side(Favourable): Willing and ready to take on any challenging task and try untested methods or techniques, that may or may not work out.
Dark Side(Dreadful): Don't care - even less to calculate the risk - when going off-track impacts on obtaining an objective or achieving a goal. The outcome or result is considered less important, as it is mainly about the adventure that they can experience. Easily derailed by the promise of a new more exciting adventure.
Daredevil
Daredevils like to experience an adrenaline rush in any task, work or activity that they undertake.
Bright Side(Favourable): Take on risky ventures, without getting bogged down with the return on efforts.
Dark Side(Dreadful): Tend to use methods that are not mainstream, as it has a higher risk component attached to it. Do not weigh choices and decisions based on effectiveness and success probabilities. Rather use the thrill element and adrenaline rush attached to it as a benchmark.
When we need, want and/or wish to change1) something in our life - which we all
doplugin-autotooltip__small plugin-autotooltip_bigSome individuals just more often than others!
- and we find that the time we have to spend on and the effort that we put into our
change attemptplugin-autotooltip__small plugin-autotooltip_bigI.e. to deliberately develop, evolve or grow from where we currently are, to where we would like to be in future.
are pretty frustrating, quite difficult and find that the result or outcome of our efforts are largely disappointing, it is quite
likelyplugin-autotooltip__small plugin-autotooltip_bigI.e. something that occurs more often than not.
that we were lured into and mainly functions in the shady realm of the dark side of self-actualization.
When we deeply and unconditionally believe that - inherently - there is something wrong with us, we will continue to create the experiences that will re-enforce what we belief. It is depleting, diminishing, place us on a path of derailment & stagnation and a self-fulfilling life path of development & growth, merely becomes an
Utopianplugin-autotooltip__small plugin-autotooltip_bigModelled on or aiming for a state in which everything is perfect and idealistic.
'wishful-thinking' and 'out-of-reach' illusion.